halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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