i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
