We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
