I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish i was in the wii world.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
