I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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