evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
