my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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