i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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