I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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