Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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