I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
