the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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