When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
