Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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