he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
