Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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