Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
