I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
