ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
