Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We left an ass print on the piano.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
