i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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