I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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