Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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