My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
