If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
