I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
