I looked at my own cervix.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
