Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
