Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
