I just threw up on my dentist
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize