I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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