like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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