I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize