I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
