dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
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