I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
