Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
