is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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