So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
