Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
