your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
