Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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