I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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