sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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