I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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