you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize