Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
