Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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