so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
