I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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