Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
