I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
