You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I touched a dick in church today
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
