wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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