Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
