I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
