Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
