The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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