Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
