dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
