The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
