Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
